i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
