Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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