boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
