Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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