and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize