I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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