We won't sleep together?
you win again, gameday.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
