someone get that fucking seahorse.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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