dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
