I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
