then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
