lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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