Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
