boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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