I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize