The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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