A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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