I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I love you. Go after that dick
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
