she takes plan B like it's going out of style
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
