I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Those nachos came to me in a dream
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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