I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
