My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
