a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
