the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
