haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
