First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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