Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
