i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I can't put those talents on a resume
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize