Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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