YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
