somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
