Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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