you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
