Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
