He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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