If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
