HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
