He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
