Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
