Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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