things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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