remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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