I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
