Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
