is your mom at the bar?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
