Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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