I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize