He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
