At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
