So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
