just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I understand Curling. That high.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Text me some of your sweat
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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