What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
