she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
