how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
