seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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