I wish I could punch you in the face.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
