who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize