im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
