Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
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