I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
