I queefed so loud it echoed.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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