As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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