I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
