no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
