if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
