ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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